She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
