Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
