I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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