Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
