SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
