We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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