fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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