whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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