What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
