i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
