I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
