we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
