if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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