she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
