"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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