The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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