i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
