he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
