I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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