My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
