Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
