He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
