Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
