I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
