just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My vagina just recognized that song.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
