it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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