her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
