a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
