So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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