What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
