Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
