I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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