there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
