he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
