shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
