its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
