I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
