this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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