He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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