WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
