Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
