"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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