the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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