He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
