Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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