I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
