period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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