every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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