I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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