So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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