I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
